I was heading home after a farewell dinner with my co-workers. Mayfaire is one of my favorite Wilmington distractions, so I know a back way which helps me avoid traffic competing for the popular destination. As I drove, I found myself emotionally exhausted as the current chapter in my life was wrapping things up with its final sentences. The previous chapter, as most of the ones before it, was a real cliff hanger. It’s suspensful ending, “She had done all she knew to do, searching and praying diligently and yet, meeting obstacles at every turn. And, then…” (see next chapter!)
This new chapter was to be the one were I would discover the grand revelation of what Yahweh had in store for my life. I had self titled it, This is what Carolyn will ‘Do’ for Her Father! It began with an exciting twist of Yahweh’s provision - a new job that would head off personal disaster and would seem to bring clarity of purpose and destiny. I would now serve in what the world acknowledges as “full time ministry”. It was a real page turner, filled with laughter, tears, personal growth, excitement and suspense. In it, I served my Father with joy and expectation - with all of the determination and passion I had at my disposal. But now, after only 17 months, this chapter is almost written - - and yes, it’s another cliff hanger.
I thought to myself, almost out loud, “So, what’s next…how will this next chapter start?” With few employment prospects on the horizon and an almost crippling perception of personal failure, time was ticking away all too expediciously. Being a good defensive driver, I stopped at an abandoned intersection to look right, look left and look right again. Then, I looked up, a maneuver not found in the defensive driving handbook. I had driven this road many times and really had no need to know it’s name. After all, it was in the parking lot of a shopping center, and why would they name that road anyway? None the less, I glanced up to take note of it’s identity - DESTINY WAY. I remained for a moment, taken back by it’s message, and then continued on my way. But, this sign, designed to provide direction for those on it’s path, would continue to stir my spirit to search it’s leading more closely.
The terms “destiny” and “purpose” are very much a part of my day to day contemplation. I find myself consumed with finding this illusive position Yahweh has defined for my life. The concept riddles my prayer life and my conversations with family members and close friends. Yet, their confirmed meaning seems to escape my grasp. The answer to the question, “What am I supposed to be?,” is clear and evident to me. However the query, “What am I supposed to do?,” seems determined to keep it’s explanation concealed.
Upon reviewing the pages of my story, themes of what could be construed as purpose are clearly recognizable. However, there are far more tangents that would seem to diffuse it’s meaning. This fact has brought me to consider that, once again, I may be futily trying to bring human understanding to a concept which is decidedly divine. After all, what would the expectation be of an earthly purpose or destiny, if the things of this earth are clearly on a path to be done away with.
My requests for direction from Yahweh regarding what I am supposed “to do” are too many to number. Yet, not one time can I recall Him saying, “Yes, do it! You have figured out what I have designed for you to do with your life.” Rather, I find myself searching my spirit for that small still voice of warning for which I have become deeply appreciative, and proceeding as I see opportunity.
Searching His Word in an attempt to put my inquiry to rest, I find that maybe the “to do” is not as significant as the “to be.” Rather than allowing my “doing” to define my “being”, perhaps I should allow my “being” guide my doing. A trusted friend, and prophet in my church, shared a word this past Sunday that would seem to confirm. He shared about Moses. When Moses protested the Lord’s assignment for his life, the Lord responded by asking him, “What is that in your hand?” It was just a rod. The point was, the quality of the tool was not important. What was important was whether or not Moses would give the Lord possession of what he had in his hand.
My searching led me to yet another scripture from Jeremiah to the Israelites exiled in Babylon…
Jeremiah 29:4-11 (TMB)
“This is the Message from God-of-the-Angel-Armies, Israel’s God, to all the exiles I’ve taken from Jerusalem to Babylon: ‘Build houses and make yourselves at home. Put in gardens and eat what grows in that country. Marry and have children. Encourage your children to marry and have children so that you’ll thrive in that country and not waste away. Make yourselves at home there and work for the country’s welfare. Pray for Babylon’s well-being. If things go well for Babylon, things will go well for you.’ Yes. Believe it or not, this is the Message from God-of-the-Angel-Armies, Israel’s God: ‘Don’t let all those so-called preachers and know-it-alls who are all over the place there take you in with their lies. Don’t pay any attention to the fantasies they keep coming up with to please you. They’re a bunch of liars preaching lies - and claiming I sent them!I never sent them, believe me.’ God’s Decree! This is God’s Word on the subject: ‘As soon as Babylon’s seventy years are up and not a day before, I’ll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out - plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future *(destiny) you hope for.’ ”
*(emphasis mine)
So, my next chapter will begin with me yielding what is in my hand and determining to not be distracted by what I, or other people, perceive I should be doing. In Yahweh’s timing He will bring about my destiny. Not the temporal one I have been trying to gain His assistance in establishing, but the eternal existence which will bring Him pleasure.