ok… i’ve been silent out of fear of what everyone will think. but i need to just type for a while. let me just pre-empt this post by saying that the artsy emotional side of my personality is being a real pain in the *!#?/* right now. my definition of a.d.d. is right brain dominant, left brain highly antagonistic. this process goes into overdrive when i try to mash too much creative stuff together with too many buttons and wires - it’s complicated.
so, i’m tired. i haven’t had a good creative thought in several weeks now. all the electronic and web stuff around me are freaking out on a regular basis and i have huge - i mean HUGE tasks on my task list that are quite frankly stressing me out. i love my job - i do… don’t doubt for a second what i’m doing. but desperately searching for some sanity when my mind and emotions get all tangled up like this. i’m working out, eating better… doing everything i can to be sure i fall asleep at a reasonable hour (that only works out occasionally), praying (a lot)… will someone please tell me the magic combination here!
i hate disappointing people i love. i take pride in my work. i’m passionate about making a difference. lately i feel like i have disappointed much, my work not up to par and making a difference?… not so sure.
this is a picture of me and my abbye. when i go through stuff like this she just looks at me blankly, raises her eyebrows with a “get over it” look on her face and says you got to find a way. I hate this about her - - but i absolutely love her for it… because it’s just what i need - - but i really, really, really don’t like it. (ok - abbye - go back and read the part that says i love you).
so, i’d like everyone to please take note that i posted this under ‘personal’ and not ‘the rock’. i’m ok - - or i will be ok. just needed to clear my head so i can make room for something creative - - or technical… i don’t know. just anything that won’t make me cry. i’m such a wuss. love you all - really don’t care what you think about me today… because i gotta.
Love you, too…
I’ll try not to stare so blankly in the future 
The secret to making the world go ’round is to get a bunch of ADD people together, let them catch the vision and then try to keep them focused on the goal. Obviously, it would be easier to nail jello to a tree or even herd cats than to accomplish that goal. But, when we are able to drown out the distractions, focus our creative adrenaline and go after it, nothing is out of our reach.
Sometimes, you just have to slow down, get quiet and become very deliberate to get back on track. I would help you with some ideas on this but I have to… Ooh, bubbles…
on, yeah. I forgot to mention that the set design for Jonah is rockin’ awesome. I think it is the best set design yet.
You are doing a phenomenal job. Now, get back to work.
October 24, 2007
i love you. glad you got your feelings out. your my hero maybe one day i will be so brave
October 24, 2007
Breath in…. breath out.
That is the best I can do on some days.
You are loved just the way you are. I know this because I love you and you are making a difference in my life. And, hey! I am pretty darn cool, in case you haven’t noticed.
Now get back to work. ooooooh, me like bubbles.
yes, coni, you are undoubtedly one of the coolest people i know… thank you.
Um… YEAH. I think maybe part of being really creative is really hating your brain and maybe even your whole personality sometimes. And I am right there with you feeling crummy and inadequate and like I’ve let down everybody I love lately. They all look at me blankly and tell me I’m imagining it, too. I want to get up in their face or something and say, “LOOK! CAN’T YOU TELL I’M HAVING SOME KIND OF CRISIS HERE?!?”
I think what you really need is pats. You’re a good girl, Carolyn. You’re cute, too. And you have good taste. You’re raising a great kid- he’s hilarious. I love your writing. I love your blog. I miss hearing what you wrote in the free-writes at Writer’s Guild because you ALWAYS suprised me. And the Imagine Christmas graphics are great- did you do those? I especially like the falling snow flakes.
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