the other day i looked at my son and could not believe how much he was growing. seriously, like over the last 3-4 weeks it’s been so noticeable. He’s leaning out, getting taller and he is a little… shall we say, um – - dramatic. lol. all the changes in his body are not only giving him leg cramps and an insatiable appetite, but are affecting his behavior, his sleep, his energy levels, his self confidence… his little body is completely overwhelmed and it comes out in the most unpredictable ways.
last week we went on a vacation. it was good to get away for some family time and steal whatever moments we could to just – - be, and reflect, and pray. if you have followed my blog for the past few months you have read about some struggles i’ve been having. lots of change going on at work, lots of new responsibility, lots to learn… i’ve wondered at times if maybe i have reached my limit. am i intelligent enough to carry all this out? am i losing the confidence of those i serve? have i hit my leadership ceiling? am i organized enough to be effective for what lies ahead? do i really have what it takes to move my life forward joyfully as my job takes on more and more responsibility?
as i wrestled with these questions, i started to notice similarities in what cam and i are going through. growing is hard. change is difficult to process no matter what your age. and like my son, i am not always prepared for how all these changes will affect my body, my attitude or my self confidence. like cam, sometimes i have no frame of reference for handling things that i have never experienced, and at times i do it badly.
i have faced challenges before in my professional life when i have stopped to evaluate the situation only to find that there was nothing else i could do. i didn’t have the personal tools to bring resolution to the task at hand. i wasn’t in the place where God had truly gifted me. i had given it my very best effort but the only sane course of action was to acknowledge the facts, learn and move on.
you know? this is not one of those times. when i think about what lies ahead for me i get excited. i have vision. i have ideas. i have solutions. i have things i want to try. and more than that, i have a passion that burns down deep in my core to see it come to pass. this is what i was created for. i do not believe that God put all of this in me to lead to a point of mediocrity only to hand it off to someone else to finish the race. no, what i am experiencing is nothing more than growing pains. a big burst of growth in a very short period of time. my body aches, i don’t sleep well, my confidence buckles, my emotions are high and sometimes like my son, i make it all about me, me, me – - because it’s all a bit overwhelming.
i would never look at my son, going through such physical and emotional upheaval, judge his current actions and say, “this is all he was created for. he obviously just can’t handle the growth. he’s just not cut out to be an adult. let’s see – - is there another 8 year old out there that can handle it better? maybe i’ll just take him in.” that would be unthinkable. i will forever see him as a confident, successful, intelligent, compassionate young man… full of purpose and full of possibility just like his Father sees him – - just like my Father sees me.
abigail’s wise advice to king david keeps ringing in my head. (this is my big time paraphrase) i will not be sidetracked by what will ultimately be an insignificant unpleasant inconvenience in my life. my life, my purpose, my destiny is like david’s. it is “bound in the bundle of life“, held close, treasured and protected by God Himself. i am full of the promise of the call of God that is without regret and without withdrawal… even when i’m not acting like who i am called to be. i so love that.
disclaimer written & deleted
i’m through with them (for today)
what you see is what you get folks!